Yorkshire Lass

There are some things I miss about living in Yorkshire. I miss the pretty countryside. I miss the home I grew up in. I miss the funny way people talk (although people talk pure mental here too, pal). I don't miss the difficulties involved in getting places.

I don't like having to wait for a bus in order to go shopping. This may surprise you, but in truth I am not a very patient person. I don't even like having to wait for the morning before I go shopping, and have often given in and ordered shoes online instead. Then I have to do something very distracting while I wait for them to arrive. More shopping usually does the job.

Cities suit me better. Glasgow may not have much of a subway system, but at least I never have to wait for more than eight minutes for a train. There's even a few clothes shops on the street I live on, allowing me to walk instead of waiting. This is very positive for an impatient person.

In Leeds I need to wait for a bus. It only arrives every half hour, and sometimes it just doesn't bother. On Sundays it's hourly and I'm pretty sure there's never one at 11 o'clock. At least I've never caught it even if there is one. It then takes half an hour to get me to city centre or worse, to Wetherby. From there I can get another half-hourly bus to Harrogate or a two-hourly bus to York.

It's freakin' 2011! I know the North of England is supposed to be a bit backward, but it's not supposed to be worse than Scotland! Where the hell is my teleporter?

Always Tick the Box

At some point in my life I have failed to tick a box that says "If you do not wish to be contacted by third parties for marketing purposes please tick this box." That or I have accidentally ticked a box that says the opposite. These marketing types are sneaky like that.

As a result I received a letter this morning that had "Official Confirmation of Award" stamped on the front. Unfortunately the letter inside said that I could have between £15 and £1,500 if I opened a credit account with Littlewoods. I have never shopped at Littlewoods in my life - nor have I opened a credit account. It's unlikely that I'll do so for a measly £15.

I used to get plagued by emails, catalogues and texts from Dwell, who sell furniture and the like. You read that correctly by the way, they sent me text messages. To my mobile phone. The bastards have no mercy. Everyone gets that tiny buzz of joy when they get a text, but for some time mine were occasionally "20% off at Dwell this weekend only." They arrived about once a week.

I emailed them a few times telling them to leave me alone, and after a while they did. I still get catalogues selling old people stuff and expensive gifts of the pseudo-ethnic variety. Just in case I want my home to look like I'm in my 70's but I spent my younger days travelling to the People's Republic of Ethnicograd. I don't, since you ask.

One day, I'll be patient enough to contact them all. I'll tell them that I'm both penniless and very boring, and that I therefore can't buy any of their expensive and exciting stuff. Until then, I'll keep dropping their letters directly into the recycling.

The moral: Always read the text next to any tiny hidden box on any form you fill in. Think carefully about ticking it, or you may be plagued by minor inconveniences until you can be bothered to do something about it.

Night Frights

This weekend I was in London with Jenny and Hannah. We saw Grease (actually pretty good), I drank Havana barrelproof in the hotel bar, we ordered and ate too much breakfast, we shopped at a vintage market, etc, etc.

The three of us shared a hotel room. At the end of the night we all went to sleep. A couple of hours later, Jenny awoke. It seems my pillows were arranged such that it looked like I was sitting straight up in bed, staring. Terrified, she woke Hannah.

"Hannah, look, there's something wrong with Becky."

"Wha? Mhhhrr."

"She's just sitting staring at us!"

"Huh?"

Jenny then nudged me.

"Becky?"

"Mmm? What?"

"Oh... Never mind."

"What's up?"

"Go back to sleep."

I don't need telling twice, so I went back to sleep, willing to have the situation explained in the morning. Jenny also went back to sleep - knowing when she nudged me that I was not my pillows. Pillows are just not scary.

Hannah, on the other hand, was just coming around, and was certain she had heard Jenny say,

"There's someone in the room staring at us."

The poor chick didn't get back to sleep for hours.

Bad Planning

"I think we should keep drinking." I said to Gav as we finished the fourth bottle of wine and the second episode of Battlestar Galatica (damn right I know how to party). To be fair, we'd had a meal and a couple of friends to help us through the first three, but to my count that means we finished 1.25 bottles each.

It also meant that 30% of the wine bottles currently above the cupboards in our kitchen were consumed last night. A statistic that would have meant certain death at many points in the year, but fortunately the cupboards have recently been cleared (because they were full). A statistic that incidentally, I got wrong when I tried to calculated it last night (because I was full of wine).

At 4:30 this morning when I woke, sweating and shaky and very thirsty, I identified that saying "I think we should keep drinking" was probably a mistake. At the time though, Gav heartily agreed. So we powered through a bottle of Baileys, which Archie returned to help with. I drank a few rounds of Amaretto, Gav got to work on the black cherry liqueur. All in all it was a pretty decent effort, and a most entertaining evening.

Waking at 4:30, though, was less fun. I stumbled to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water, and discovered we'd left the lights on. I returned to bed, trying not to think about the fact that I had to get up in two and a half hours to catch a train to take me to London. Failing.

I've no idea what time we gave in and called it a night. What I do know is that I'm miraculously fine* this morning, and that when I was making my bed at 8:00, I discovered that my hot water bottle was still warm.

I'd write more, but I have a train to catch. I'm slightly concerned that I'll arrive at the station to find that I've missed a whole day. Maybe even a week.

*I say "fine," I'm definitely not safe to drive, but at least part of that is due to not actually having a license.

Opinionated

I was having a chat about the nature of talent versus skill with Martin a couple of days ago. Less a chat, more a debate. Ok, maybe it became bickering at one point, but it was an entertaining bicker.

Until he had the gall to say,

"You're entitled to-"

I cut him off,

"Oh am I? How sweet of you!"

"...I was going to say 'You're entitled to your opinion and so am I,' before you interrupted me."

Of course you were Martin. I knew you were, but that was kind of my point. People do this all the time. It's either "we're all entitled to an opinion" or, "that's just your opinion" or something equally banal.

I backed down. It was a stressful evening for him - he was running the AstroSoc Burn's supper at the time. Also, I probably could not have replied as I wanted without raising my voice, and this was a polite occasion. If I could have spoken more freely I would have said,

"Of course we both are. That's why we're having this discussion. That's why any discussion is ever interesting. For Goodness' sake don't ruin it with empty, tired platitudes."

That is my request to anyone who does this. We all know we're entitled to an opinion, but if we can't discuss and challenge those opinions, they aren't worth anything at all. Your opinion isn't sacred, it isn't special and it may even be worth less than that of an opinion formed by someone with more information on the subject, but as long as you're willing to consider it, it isn't totally worthless.

Equally, the fact that this is "just my opinion" doesn't matter. It may not have been worth very much to begin with, but calling it what it is doesn't decrease it's value. If you'd rather no one ever voiced an opinion you're a worrying individual, and you probably have some deep-seated control issues.

Feel free to disagree, but don't think that that will make you right.


Disclaimer: Martin is one of my best friends, I'd still hang out with him if he was guilty of doing this every time I saw him.

Infectious Geekery

Not long ago my friend Martin discovered (to his glee) that a Battlestar Galactica board game existed. He emailed a few friends, asking if they'd be interested in playing. I was one of those friends, we all agreed to do so. To be fair though, we're all physicists, as a collective being geeky is one of our favourite pass-times.

Last Saturday they played the first two rounds. I did not partake, not because it was a Saturday night and I'm too cool, but because I was at a friend's engagement party (being told that as a physicist I was unemployable. Go figure). An engagement party is something I didn't feel that I could miss, but I was slightly jealous about not playing.

Last night Martin sent me a text, asking if I was free to play. He said he was going to invite the same crowd as previously. I accepted - but I was the only one. With only me, Martin and his flat mate Steve, there would not be enough of us. Who else could we possibly ask?

My flat mates. Obviously.

Gav is a massive BSG fan, he discovered the series well before I did, but I'd like to think that he's been getting increasingly geeky in the time we've known each other.

Harry is a moderate BSG fan, and was a closet geek. He's now out in the open, revelling in the statistics class he's been taking this year (probably the first maths he's done since 2006), playing video games, watching sci-fi, etc, etc.

Archie... Well, Archie was out at the cinema with friends. He's not quite the anti-geek, but compared with the crowd we're talking about here, he may as well be. I guess he sometimes watches Dr Who.

So, we trotted off, beers in hand, to play the nerdiest board game I have ever seen. We were well behaved, and quit at midnight. All agreed it was a good game, none ruled out the possibility of playing again.

For physicists this is normal. Gavin is a film student. Harry does medicine. They should, if playing to their stereotypes, both be out getting wasted every night. I probably can't claim the credit for them not being dreadful individuals, but I would like to consider the possibility that geekiness is infectious.

Hell, Archie's managed to catch almost everything else - maybe he'll catch this too eventually.

The Overwatch

I have a new favourite gaming beverage. I'd like to share it with you.

The Overwatch

You need:

1 friend

2 bottles of Crabbie's Alcoholic Ginger Beer

3 limes

4 shots dark rum (ideally Myre's or Black Seal, but almost any good dark rum will work).

Directions:

• Pour a small glass of ginger beer from each bottle and drink with ice.
• Juice the limes and shake the juice and pulp with a the rum and a little ice.
• Pour this liquid into the now slightly emptier Crabbie's bottles and stir with a straw.
• Drink whilst gaming. Win often.
• Rinse and repeat, until at least 3am.

I'm willing to admit that it's simply a more badass version of a Dark and Stormy. I'm not willing to admit that it's anything less than excellent. The only thing I can think of that may improve it would be finding straws long enough to reach to the bottom of the bottle.

Fancy a game of Half Life?

Stop! Spammer time!

I am fortunate in that I don't get a lot of spam, which is probably because (in spite of what you may believe) I have little interest in dodgy websites and a healthy respect for anti-virus software. However, no email address above a certain age can be entirely pure, so I thought I'd share with you some of the finer items I have in my spambox at this time. I'm nice like that.

Date: 6th January

Sender: Nick Clegg

Subject: One week left until polling day.

Comment: Awww, bless. Well, I don't remember telling gmail that I didn't want to read any messages from Nick Clegg anymore. Which, while it was correct to put the message in spam, is a little worrying. Not that I'll correct the filter. Poor sod.

Date: 30th January

Sender: 500 Free

Subject: Click Here to Claim Your PRIZE!!!

Comment: This one gets full marks for effort. It's delightfully old school, I didn't think people still produced things like this anymore. It has animated .gifs for goodness' sake! It claims my prize is "£500 Free!" Sadly, the £-sign keeps switching to a $ or €. I just can't bring myself to click, in case I get one of the lower-value currencies. Also because my brains have not yet leaked out of my eyes.

Date: 3rd February

Sender: Ask

Subject: Looking for Some Sparkle this Valentine's Day?

Comment: Are you implying my previous Valentine's days have lacked sparkle? Are you really implying that my life in general lacks so little sparkle that I'm going to be impressed by your "£16.95 for three courses and a glass of prosecco?" How dare you? I don't really do Valentine's day. Myself and the chap will swap cards and maybe a token gift, but I have little interest in much else. Far less a set Valentine's menu at Ask. Purrrlease.

On starting this entry I was kind of hoping to have some slightly more hilarious spam. I've got nothing about penis enlargement. No "hott" girls in Glasgow who want to talk to me now. I might have won £500, but there's nothing about online poker or bingo. No one wants to sell me prescription medication or weird software. Not so much as a Russian bride offer.

I feel a bit left out. Maybe I should visit some of those dodgy websites after all.

Travel is Dangerous

So, I mentioned not long ago that I'd been on a brief trip to Madrid, and that I'd struggled getting back because of the weather. It had been snowing, which made a lot of people very angry. I don't quite understand that - getting angry at the snow is like getting angry at the Moon, it won't change anything.

Anyway, our flight provider sorted us out with a hotel room for the night. Hotel Auditorium is the largest in Europe, and you can tell. Sadly it's also in the middle of nowhere, so there wasn't really much for us to do. We read a little. We ate our complimentary buffet dinner. We watched Barcelona destroy Madrid at football in the over-priced hotel bar.

We needed to be back at the airport for 6am, which meant rising at 4am. Fun times. We flew from Madrid to Gatwick, then (after threats of a four-hour delay which turned out to be hollow) from Gatwick to Glasgow. Not our planned route, or on our planned day, but in the end I was back in my flat only 25 hours after I expected to be.

No harm done really. I tend not to stress about these situations. However, on arriving back I was dog tired. I'd also been wearing basically the same outfit for 25 hours longer than I'd planned to. I wanted a shower, a sleep and a real meal. In that order.

After my shower and before my sleep I bundled all of my clothes from the trip into the washing machine. I'm organised like that. After a delicious nap, I arose, and went into the kitchen to deal with my nice clean clothes and my dinner.

On opening the washing machine I discovered A Terrible Thing. Bits of papery stuff mixed among my clothes. What's this? My passport case? How did that get in here? ...Oh.

It seems my passport was still in my pocket. It was very clean, and utterly useless. No way I'll be leaving the country with it.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I have had to apply for two passports in two years. There's a lesson to be learned here somewhere.

Haiku

Ice on Glasgow's streets,

A man slips,

Goodbye dignity.

Music from downstairs,

No more sleep.

Anger reigns again.

Which shoes should I wear?

It's raining!

Middle class problems.

It is 3am.

I should sleep,

but I'm on Facebook.

As You Like It

Challenge time!
Lets play a game where we try to make the phrase "I like my men like I like my _____: ______" as horrific as possible. I'll start us off.

"I like my men like I like my _____: ______"

Coffee: Rich and trapped in a sack.

Films: Funny and violent... or foreign.

Science: Hard and strictly physical.

Heels: High and dangerous.

Books: Thick and bound in leather.

Jeans: Distressed and slightly too big for me.

Steak: Rare, but definitely dead.

Right, your turn. Think you can do worse? Bring it on.

Birthday Stats

General stats

Real Name: Becky Douglas

Nicknames: Becka, Wench, Wenchy, Wenchstress, Helgar the Wench, Ohshititsher, English, Beckto, Le Becs Fontaine, Fatty, etc, etc.

Age: Mind your own.

Appearance: Impeccable.

Height: 5'7", but I feel taller than last year.

Shoe size: 5, since you ask.

Do you act your age or your shoe size? Probably closer to the latter.

Occupation: Student and general layabout.

Birthday stats:

Birthday wishes received;

-in person: 18

-on the phone: 3

-by text: 7

-through facebook: 58 0_o

-through twitter: 1

-from companies via email: 8. Nice.

Conclusions:

1. Maybe I should remove myself from a few mailing lists.

2. Facebook really is taking over the world, but that's OK, because if I'd had to reply to 58 texts, or answer 58 calls today I would have had a meltdown.

3. More of my friends need to get twitter. Or maybe I need to get more friends. :-/

I had a lovely day. Thanks everyone for messages, cards (somehow not important to this survey), calls, hugs, gifts and fun times. I'm going to go find my walking stick.

Birthday

Today is my birthday.

If you guys skipped the singing this year, I think I'd pretty much be fine with that.

Thanks.

Eggs Studente

I have invented a breakfast!

Eggs Studente

Ingredients:

• One croissant
• One egg
• Butter
• Rocket
• Salt and pepper

Method:

1. Poach the egg in slightly salted water.
2. Meanwhile, warm the croissant with a quick zap in the microwave.
3. Split the croissant and butter it lightly.
4. Fill with the egg, add salt and pepper, and a handful of rocket.
5. Enjoy your almost-posh breakfast.

Easy!

Bookmarked

In November I went to Madrid for a weekend. At each airport we passed through airport security without problems. Except at Gatwick, which we only ended up at because of the weather. I bleeped when walking through the x-ray, and the security lady flagged up my handbag as containing something suspicious.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am dreadfully untrustworthy. However, people who don't know me usually can't tell. I suspect that this is why I only got stopped once on our trip. Not that I'm a terrorist, just that I'm your average, middle-class, white girl, so I don't even look like a terrorist.

I permitted the security lady to search me (I have no idea what would have happened if I'd refused the search. Probably something violent). When she was certain I didn't have a knife in my boot or a dynamite belt around my waist she let me pass.

I permitted the security gentleman to search my handbag. I promised him it contained no needles or anything else sharp or dangerous. He removed all my electronic equipment and scanned it. I'm a geek, that was a lot of stuff, it felt like it took an age. He then removed my book, which contained this:

That's my bookmark. It is metal, and hooked, and I suppose a bit suspicious if you haven't seen one before. Although the person who flagged it had not, the gentleman searching my handbag had.

I had a bit of a Moment. I thought he was going to confiscate it. That was fine, if he did so I'd probably be allowed on the plane and I'd get home. I wasn't worried about that, I had a much greater concern.

"Ah, sorry. Um, would you mind if I just checked my page number?"

He cocked an eyebrow.

"You're not dangerous."

He took the bookmark to show to the lady behind the desk. He brought it back and carefully inserted into the book at the correct page. He chuckled, and sent me on my way.

Nick, exasperated, commented that this is why I should just use a bit of card like everyone else. Card isn't nearly so pretty, but I may consider using it for future flights.

Resolution

I just realised that my previous post was in fact the first post of 2011, and that I haven't done a New Years' Resolution entry yet.

I asked a couple of friends for ideas, first via facebook. This was not useful, suggestions ranged from giving up physics to building a teleporter. My ever hilarious flat mate suggested I loose some f**king weight. That's the kind of wit you can cut yourself on.

So, I got brave and went into the real world. I asked some people there. Not randomers, that would be weird, I asked my friends. Someone suggested doing more of whatever I wished I had more time for last year.

So, as a result, here are my New Years Resolutions:

1. Play more video games.

2. Bake more cake.

3. Make better use of your shoe collection (expanding it where possible).

I think I'll be a genuinely better person if I succeed.

By the by, my spell-checker is not happy about "facebook" or "teleporter" which leads me to believe that it is from the past.

Nitwit

Here is a conversation via text message between myself and my chap (I am in italics, because they're girly):

Hey, want to meet up some time next week? xxx

Yeah well I figured we'd meet up at the weekend anyway. xxx

Ok, sounds good. I reckon we should get sushi :) xxx

Yeah sure. I could come over Monday if you'd prefer. I don't know if you have anything planned. xxx

Monday as in tomorrow? I have Red Cross stuff on. The weekend is fine if it's ok for you too. xxx

I meant Monday as in your birthday :P

-----

True story. Time kind of sneaks up on you like that sometimes. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'd forgotten my birthday - I knew that it was soon - I'd just forgotten how soon it was.

So, as one might expect, as I am getting older I am becoming senile. It's the only explanation. Who's surprised?

Plans

Being a bit of a geek meant that I was rather excited about the new Tron movie. I was extra excited when I learned that it's release day (today) coincided with the day of my only exam this semester. I expressed a desire to go see it after my exam, at the Imax, by way of celebrating post-exam freedom.

Harry and Gav agreed to come along. We decided booking would be a good idea if we intended to go on the release day, and went directly to the Imax website. So, when it turned out that they had an early viewing of the film, starting at 00:01 on Friday 17th December - I could not resist.

"This is going to be perfect!"

Ten minutes after booking I realised that 00:01 was before 13:00, which is my exam time today. This meant that rather than getting an early night and plenty of rest, I was going to watch a sci-fi film at midnight.

I could have cancelled and booked later tickets. I admit that this was always an option. An option I ignored.

We got back at 3am. I'm sure my exam will go just fine, it is only general physics. Pass the coffee.

[Edit: 16:35: The film was awesome by the way. Oh, and yeah, the exam was fine.]

Frost

The sun is warm, but the ice is slippery.

I've always wanted to say that in context and today I could. Although most of the snow has melted, or been pushed into lumpy, icy piles at street corners, the pavements are now coated in a fine film of frost.

It's truly beautiful, of course. Sparkling and delicate and dangerous. It's amazing that this much water was there to freeze - I didn't think we had had much precipitation in the past week. The last we had was real snow.

It would be sensible to avoid leaving the flat until the frost melts. I do not have the necessary footwear, which I admit is a bit of a shock. You see, I no longer have a pair of walking boots, and I rather object to the idea of wearing walking boots in the middle of a city anyway.

Sadly it seems that my trainers do not have enough grip to deal with the frost. This is deduced from how often today I slipped on the ice. What if I had fallen? The risk isn't worth it. Perhaps I would have broken a bone. Perhaps my laptop. If I had fallen when crossing the street I could have been hit by a bus!

Worse! What if someone saw me? The indignity! I shall remain indoors.

General Physics Exam

Question:

If the law were changed so that traffic in Great Britain travelled on the right-hand side of the road instead of on the left, would the length of the day increase, decrease or be unaltered? Explain the reasoning behind your answer.

Answer:

It would be unaltered.

Driving in the opposite direction to the Earth's rotation may have some effect due to the conservation of angular momentum, but roads in Britain go in many directions, so the effect would cancel out.

When the driving in the opposite direction to the Earth's rotation, angular momentum is required, so when the car starts a small fraction is "robbed" from the planet. However, this will be returned as soon as the car stops - in fact, it is necessary if the car is to stop thanks to the conservation of angular momentum. Friction takes care of the stopping (and hence the return of momentum) for you.

Even if we assume that people drive in the opposite direction, and do not stop, sooner or later they are going to give in and come home. Probably they will do this before completing half a circuit of the Earth's circumference (after all, we're only looking at Britain), so it will make the most sense to come back the way they came. Travelling in the opposite direction will also return the momentum to the Earth.

If we ignore all this, and pretend that either stopping, returning, or other cars moving in other directions does not lead to a cancelling out of the removal of angular momentum, we still encounter a problem. The Earth is huge, your car is not. The effect of a car's momentum being gained from the Earth would be so minor that it would likely not be measurable, since the mass of the Earth is so much greater. So, since the difference between the mass of the car and the mass of the Earth is so great, the change in the length of the day would be negligible.

That is, unless your mum is driving the car. Fortunately, she's too stupid to drive.

I thank you.