Thursday, February 03, 2011

Stop! Spammer time!

I am fortunate in that I don't get a lot of spam, which is probably because (in spite of what you may believe) I have little interest in dodgy websites and a healthy respect for anti-virus software. However, no email address above a certain age can be entirely pure, so I thought I'd share with you some of the finer items I have in my spambox at this time. I'm nice like that.

Date: 6th January
Sender: Nick Clegg
Subject: One week left until polling day.
Comment: Awww, bless. Well, I don't remember telling gmail that I didn't want to read any messages from Nick Clegg anymore. Which, while it was correct to put the message in spam, is a little worrying. Not that I'll correct the filter. Poor sod.

Date: 30th January
Sender: 500 Free
Subject: Click Here to Claim Your PRIZE!!!
Comment: This one gets full marks for effort. It's delightfully old school, I didn't think people still produced things like this anymore. It has animated .gifs for goodness' sake! It claims my prize is "£500 Free!" Sadly, the £-sign keeps switching to a $ or . I just can't bring myself to click, in case I get one of the lower-value currencies. Also because my brains have not yet leaked out of my eyes.

Date: 3rd February
Sender: Ask
Subject: Looking for Some Sparkle this Valentine's Day?
Comment: Are you implying my previous Valentine's days have lacked sparkle? Are you really implying that my life in general lacks so little sparkle that I'm going to be impressed by your "£16.95 for three courses and a glass of prosecco?" How dare you? I don't really do Valentine's day. Myself and the chap will swap cards and maybe a token gift, but I have little interest in much else. Far less a set Valentine's menu at Ask. Purrrlease.

On starting this entry I was kind of hoping to have some slightly more hilarious spam. I've got nothing about penis enlargement. No "hott" girls in Glasgow who want to talk to me now. I might have won £500, but there's nothing about online poker or bingo. No one wants to sell me prescription medication or weird software. Not so much as a Russian bride offer.

I feel a bit left out. Maybe I should visit some of those dodgy websites after all.

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