Friday, August 21, 2009


Someone wants me dead. I must have annoyed somebody who has one of those friends "who knows a bit about black magic." Y'know, like that friend everyone has "who knows a bit about computers" and who will tinker with your laptop, proclaim it fixed, and then vanish from the face of the Earth when, inevitably, the problem gets worse a week later.

I assume they don't know much because I am still here, though it is possible that they are Toying With Me.

My fear knows no bounds.

In the past two weeks I have nearly died three times.

1. I went to plug in my laptop (which fortunately remains un-tinkered-with by anyone who knows anything about computers), and noticed that the socket was soaking wet. It's below a pot-plant, which clearly had recently been over-watered. Only my incredible powers of observation saved my from electrocution.

2. I nearly got run over by a Porsche. I only ever nearly get hit by very expensive cars, presumably because if the Gods can't quite kill me, they still want me to have to worry about owing people a lot of money.

I also quite regularly nearly get run over, sometimes the other side of the street is just too interesting to worry about looking both ways. This guy meant it though, he was going too fast, and I was at a crossing. The fact that I hadn't pressed the button has nothing to do with it.

3. I got followed by a gang of mods back from Ikea. I was with Euan. We are rockers (technically). Mods hate rockers. We nearly died. Only the decidedly un-rock-and-roll nature of his mother's car saved us from taunting and swift death.

Fortunately I don't think they suspected us, thank goodness the ancient automobile doesn't have a CD-Player, or there's a good chance we would have been playing Boston or something. Now we are safe I feel quite confident in mocking them. I only wish I was cool enough to ride a Vesper.

To whomever is trying to have me killed: Your wizard isn't very good, his attempt at hexing me has failed, ask for your money back.

In future I'd suggest a ninja.

1 comment:

  1. There was a gang of them, just as well we looked a bit studenty with the ancient car and IKEA stuff!

    We could easily disguise ourselves with other forms of music when they get within earshot next time ;-).

    P.S. Vespa - from Latin & Italian meaning Wasp.